I think it's wednesday. I don't really know for sure. I could probably look on my phone, or hover over the time on the computer... but that would take me away from blogging, and right now, this is so much more important.
Trust me. WAYYY more important.
I figured out how to chat from gmail. Only, to send more than 50 messages now.. EVER.. you have to buy credits. That's dumb. So I'm putting Kik messenger back on my phone.
Just temporary. Ten more days and I'll have my connection back.
I hate that I depend on this stupid thing so much but right now, I do.
I don't have my own car. No drivers license even if I did. So, during the day, I'm kinda stuck.
Tax time. Tax time. Tax time. Tax time.
I made hamburgers for dinner last night. They were good but I'm getting kinda burnt out on everything. I don't mind taking care of everyone and doing everything, as long as someone- namely Chris, keeps me company while I do so. I don't ask for him to do anything, just hang out with me because, again- I am here all day long doing this shit without any human contact and it's NICE to have someone around.
I don't ask for thank yous. I don't ask for recognition. I don't ask for a day off. I don't ask that anyone cleans up after I cook. That's my job and I'm fine with it....
Just keep me company!
Apparently, that's too much to ask though. Even though they came home early (yet, i still worked while they were home), i was still left alone down stairs until after 10 (let me be clear in that I woke up the same time Chris did, too.) getting everything done while he sat up here watching youtube videos. I didn't sit in silence either.. I actually asked him to stay down with me.
"I have a tooth ache, Amber."
Yeah? so did I. Not to mention, the wet weather was messing with my body. I had stabbing muscle spasms in my back and neck. The rain/weather/my allergies/whatever it was gave me a headache. But.. whatever. I just did it, came up stairs, and promptly cried.
Yes. I cry over stupid things like feeling unimportant and not being able to start fires when I'm drunk after falling off the four wheeler in the woods, and going to sleep.
WOMEN!
In all actuality.... MEN!
Sometimes I just want to stop doing everything for everyone. I really get irritated with this. I want to stop but I can't because my OCD takes over and I can't handle thinking about the mess I would have to clean after I stopped because I know nobody else would pick up my slack.
Holy-run-on-sentence. or sentance. I get confused but I'm pretty sure it's sentence.
Then, there's this mud truck we're getting.
...that's a whole different story that would take hours to type, probably, and I don't want to bore you with it.
Lets leave it at this...
I've only voiced how I felt on three things: Our sponsor (yes, we have a sponsor for the truck we don't own yet), the name of our truck, and where our truck is going.
ALL THREE THINGS have been pushed under the rug. It didn't matter that I gave in on the first two. The fact that I wanted the truck to be here so I could help with it too was to much. That was me being one sided. That was me being "my way or no way."
I want the truck here because, really- when the heck am I going to get to go help with it too? I have three kids. Chris's only day off is Sunday, and my kids are here.
Are we going to take them with us so I can baby sit while Chris and Kung Fu do everything? Why? what's the point?
This is probably hard to understand considering I am not mechanically inclined but when we first started talking about getting the truck- I told Chris I want to help with it. i don't care if I'm polishing a rim- I want to help. I want to feel like I am a part of it. Something WE did together.
I am to the point that i just don't care any more. He sees me as being one sided on this, but i see him as not seeing my side. Not taking into account anything that might make it easy for me to be included.
Instead- it's him and kung fu doing and deciding everything.
Excuse my french here.. but, FUCK that. Really.. just fuck that.
ugh. yeah that was all before 9 o'clock this morning.
I'm' not cooking anything extravagant tonight. It's going to be something stupid and easy and it probably wont even taste that good. I'm not going to orchestrate the whole, "Family dinner at the table" tonight. I just don't care right now.
wow.. what a way for me to jump back into blogging, huh? The second real post and I'm already complaining about my every day life.
It's probably because nothing has gone great today. My phone is off. Chris was argumentative. I'm cold. My body hurts and because of that, I didn't sleep well last night.
Maybe I just need a nap.
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