Hmm.

Tonight I was knocked in the chest with a really heavy feeling. It turned my tummy each time I leaned into it, so to speak. I literally felt sick over it.
Its a bad feeling.
so, here I sit, quarter after one in the morning, feeding this bad feeling rather than trying to ignore it.
Why do I do this to myself?

I still haven't forgotten the stuff I wanna post that happened last Friday. I will. I just need the computer to do it..
Posting from my phone sucks. I kinda need auto correct, but at the same time it aggravates the heck out of me.
I tried to comment on Tini's blog the other day and it literally changed the whole sentence on me. Then, the neighbors returned the net off so I couldn't comment anything.

^ That's another story for another day.

Its freezing. And wet. Only one more day of this and then it warms up. I can't wait. I'm over the cold.
Sooooo over it.

I bet the little bit of a period that I get is about to get here. I would have been better off staying in bed. I'm grouchy. Grumpy. Cranky. Whatever it is and its not going away.

Autocorrect is even really pissing me off.

Monday Monday

Something happened Friday afternoon but its going to take some typing to explain it. I need to get on the computer for that.
The sun is just now peeking it from behind the clouds.
I'm not feeling this right now. Lol
I'll try again later. :-)

Riding with Jack

I kinda think these four Wheeler rides are very similar to marriage counseling for others.
Except we aren't having major problems.
lol
But no seriously, we get on the Wheeler, and we ride, and we give the bottle of jack a few mouth to mouth sessions, and we talk.
We talk about everything.
If something not so good happened during the week, we talk it out then. If we're worried about something, we talk about it.
We just talk and talk and talk. Neither of us are very vocal to begin with so sometimes it's needed.
I take that back... It's always needed. Talking is always good.

I just don't do it very well in a sober state.

Arguments don't erupt that way. Were both relaxed.

I think it's good for us.

Is it sad that the only way we really, actually talk is when were intoxicated? Maybe.
But really, I'm not ashamed of it.

Odd post I guess... Just something I was thinking about.

I don't know if it's possible or not, but even after a year and a half of marriage, I still feel lie were newly weds

Tini...

i can't see where you're following me.
Blogger is also telling me I am not following anyone either. :-/

Goood Morning!

I woke up hungry, but I'm really unsure about what I'm going to eat.
Breakfast is not my favorite meal of the day, even if it is the healthiest.

I wish there was an app that I could put on my phone to allow me to text phone numbers.
Hm. I may have just found one.

Pat moved out. She hasn't been here in nearly three weeks. Well, besides a quick visit or two.
anyway... She came in here on one of her visits and told me how bad the house smells.
"It's never smelled like that before. You can't live like that."
Uhm.. Hello? Ask anyone that's been inside for the past year +. They'll tell you - it HAS stunk this bad and it's because YOU HOARD CATS!!!
The only reason she notices it now, is because she's not in it.

Odoban. That's my hope. I hope odoban fixes this stench.
I feel kinda like this is the bog of eternal stench tho... never ending.
all because she didn't want to get rid of her precious kitties.

The kids go to their dad's tonight. I am happy about this.
I don't know what I'm going to cook for dinner though. I don't normally do dinner when they're not here, but the guys are going to want something, i'm sure.
Blah.

I'd really like a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Seriously.

These allergies are ridiculous. Completely ridiculous. I can't wait until I can buy some medicine for them.

Sarah posted something about liking porn but being really picky about what she likes.
Me too. Chris gets irritated with me because I can't get into just anything. I've tried to explain to him that I just can't help that... it's how I work. I don't expect him to change his preferences, he shouldn't expect me to change mine.
But... I should just "think outside the box."
Any time I don't agree with something it's because I'm being close minded. @@
I hate that. HATE it.

My son is going to get his ass kicked here at home soon if he doesn't start listening to me when I tell him to WEAR JEANS TO SCHOOL ON COLD DAYS.

This whole hunger thing is starting to get the better of me. :(

What day is it today?

I think it's wednesday. I don't really know for sure. I could probably look on my phone, or hover over the time on the computer... but that would take me away from blogging, and right now, this is so much more important.
Trust me. WAYYY more important.

I figured out how to chat from gmail.  Only, to send more than 50 messages now.. EVER.. you have to buy credits. That's dumb. So I'm putting Kik messenger back on my phone.
Just temporary. Ten more days and I'll have my connection back.

I hate that I depend on this stupid thing so much but right now, I do.
I don't have my own car. No drivers license even if I did. So, during the day, I'm kinda stuck.
Tax time. Tax time. Tax time. Tax time.

I made hamburgers for dinner last night. They were good but I'm getting kinda burnt out on everything. I don't mind taking care of everyone and doing everything, as long as someone- namely Chris, keeps me company while I do so. I don't ask for him to do anything, just hang out with me because, again- I am here all day long doing this shit without any human contact and it's NICE to have someone around.
I don't ask for thank yous. I don't ask for recognition. I don't ask for a day off. I don't ask that anyone cleans up after I cook. That's my job and I'm fine with it....
Just keep me company!

Apparently, that's too much to ask though. Even though they came home early (yet, i still worked while they were home), i was still left alone down stairs until after 10 (let me be clear in that I woke up the same time Chris did, too.) getting everything done while he sat up  here watching youtube videos. I didn't sit in silence either.. I actually asked him to stay down with me.
"I have a tooth ache, Amber."
Yeah? so did I. Not to mention, the wet weather was messing with my body. I had stabbing muscle spasms in my back and neck. The rain/weather/my allergies/whatever it was gave me a headache. But.. whatever. I just did it, came up stairs, and promptly cried.

Yes. I cry over stupid things like feeling unimportant and not being able to start fires when I'm drunk after falling off the four wheeler in the woods, and going to sleep.
WOMEN!

In all actuality.... MEN!

Sometimes I just want to stop doing everything for everyone. I really get irritated with this. I want to stop but I can't because my OCD takes over and I can't handle thinking about the mess I would have to clean after I stopped because I know nobody else would pick up my slack.
Holy-run-on-sentence. or sentance. I get confused but I'm pretty sure it's sentence.

Then, there's this mud truck we're getting.
...that's a whole different story that would take hours to type, probably, and I don't want to bore you with it.
Lets leave it at this...
 I've only voiced how I felt on three things: Our sponsor (yes, we have a sponsor for the truck we don't own yet), the name of our truck, and where our truck is going.

ALL THREE THINGS have been pushed under the rug. It didn't matter that I gave in on the first two. The fact that I wanted the truck to be here so I could help with it too was to much. That was me being one sided. That was me being "my way or no way."
I want the truck here because, really- when the heck am I going to get to go help with it too? I have three kids. Chris's only day off is Sunday, and my kids are here.
Are we going to take them with us so I can baby sit while Chris and Kung Fu do everything? Why? what's the point? 
This is probably hard to understand considering I am not mechanically inclined but when we first started talking about getting the truck- I told Chris I want to help with it. i don't care if I'm polishing a rim- I want to help. I want to feel like I am a part of it. Something WE did together.
I am to the point that i just don't care any more. He sees me as being one sided on this, but i see him as not seeing my side. Not taking into account anything that might make it easy for me to be included.
Instead- it's him and kung fu doing and deciding everything.
Excuse my french here.. but, FUCK that. Really.. just fuck that.

ugh. yeah that was all before 9 o'clock this morning.

I'm' not cooking anything extravagant tonight. It's going to be something stupid and easy and it probably wont even taste that good. I'm not going to orchestrate the whole, "Family dinner at the table" tonight. I just don't care right now.

wow.. what a way for me to jump back into blogging, huh? The second real post and I'm already complaining about my every day life.
It's probably because nothing has gone great today. My phone is off. Chris was argumentative. I'm cold. My body hurts and because of that, I didn't sleep well last night.

Maybe I just need a nap.

Just curious

Is there any way to send a text via gmail or the computer at all??
I used to text with John that way all the time but I can't figure out how to get it to work anymore.
I'm going to post more than this, don't worry.
:)

Ohhhhhki dokie

It's been a long time since I've used one of these things.
I haven't had my computer.
I tried to set up this blog in particular from my phone using the blogger app, and I did, but I couldn't figure out how to link anyone to it.
Turns out, even if I had tried to type what I thought would have been the link, I would have been wrong. I put an extra E in there and I didn't realize it. HA!

Chris is back to work again. We're trying to hold out until the 31st. That's when they should get their first pay check. Verizon holds 3 weeks.
Yes, Chris and Jody are working together again. Everything is going smoothly, it seems. It's kinda funny how a one person can bring a whole entire house down.

Jody's attitude is completely different... even when he does drink. He's not this horrible, nagging person that he used to be when she was around.
He's also completely re-wrapped in Misty, the "love of his life."
She might be moving down here soon. i guess the biggest worry with that is, she is also a felon on probation, and that's against the rules, I believe. Two felons in one house.
The good thing is, Chris is not a convicted felon, and here shortly, as in April of 2014, he is up for release, and then his record, besides the felony charges, is clean.

I still haven't done anything for my birthday.
i want to. My birthday is special to me. It's one of those days that i enjoy, and that I use to my advantage. Being a mom makes everything more about everyone else, whether you mean to or not - everyone is always put before you put yourself, and my birthday is one of those days that I don't have to do that.
I don't care that I'm 32 now. Don't care that next year I'll be 33, and that in a few years from now I'll be in my 40's.
I love my birthday. That's MY day.
Ramble ramble ramble.

I still wanna do a Tini and Amber birthday party. I don't mind sharing with her at all. She is, after all, my almost birthday twin.

McDreamy shares a birthday with me? Is that what Sarah said??
yes. She did.

January 13, 1966 (age 48 years)

Patrick Dempsey, Date of birth

 

Honestly this isn't my favorite picture of him, but oh well.

 

Income tax time is coming. i'm going to have a driver license again. And another Jeep.

I was going to get a wrangler, but I think I changed my mind. I'll wait on that and just stick with a Cherokee.

I hate settling though. I always do that. 

It could be something I really want.. er, well, it IS something I really want. A Wrangler. 5 speed. 

But I can't talk myself into spending that kind of money on it. 

We're going to buy a trailer too... not a house type trailer but a utility trailer. Something Jody and Chris can stick their work stuff in and just pull behind the truck.

i think that's it for now.

I'm going to try and personalize this thing.